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God To Receive Chapel Fine
Creator of the Universe slapped with 85 dollar fee
Comrade Vash the Stampede, staff writer
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Mt. Vernon-MVNC administration has vowed to administer a chapel fine to the Lord God for his excessive chapel skips. According to sources, God has failed to be present at nearly ten chapels since the beginning of the semester.
A frustrated Gary Sivewright added "We are sad to see this sort of behavior coming from God, it has a terrible effect on the kids that see him as a role model, and choose to skip chapel to be more like him." If the question is W.W.J.D.? The answer is, sleep in.
Shortly after, MVNC’s administration made it clear that a fine was in order, Gabriel, a spokesperson for The Creator of heaven and earth, formally announced the reason for his absence. "Holy Holy Holy is the God of Abraham, Joseph, and Moses..." he began, "The Lord is everywhere, and it is thus impossible for him to skip chapel."
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God. |
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He then caused the entire crowd present to become blind, deaf-mutes for thirty-six hours as a result of questioning God the father's divine will and authority. In reaction to the statement, Sivewright made frantic hand motions as if he was trying to say something important, and proceeded to run into a wall as well as knock over several of the ficus trees arranged unimpressively throughout the chapel.
The Lemon spoke to Randall Harris, an attorney who has never heard of MVNC, about any possible lawsuits those who suffered the miracle could file against the sovereign Lord. "That’s retarded" stated Harris, "I’m trying to put a serial killer away for slicing a child in half, quit wasting my time with this petty nonsense."
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An extremely disappointed Gary Sivewright |
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Despite Gabriel's impressive response, chapel checkers distinctly recall not seeing God walk out of the chapel doors to get his card scanned, and worry if he will even be able to complete all of his quadrants by the end of the semester.
The fine, nearly 85 dollars, will be charged to the almighty God's student account and, should he refuse to pay, could risk not receiving his grade report on time.
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Gabriel. Spokesperson for God. |
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