Student Chapel Gives New Meaning to "Chapel-by-Choice"
Happy students praise SGA for interesting new choices

Comrade Opiate, staff writer

Mount Vernon, Ohio-Lacking diversity in chapel services, student organized chapel attempted to present two options in a "new style" of chapel-by-choice. Thrown before students were two outlets: sleep, or homework. With the atmospheric lighting in the chapel it seemed that the prior was being heavily encouraged.

As tone-deaf voices rang through out the chapel, the rousing compellation performed by the chapel band forced some into making a premature commitment to homework. In order to create an equilibrium between the newly developed options, a ten minute period of silence was held allowing students a chance to escape through voluntary comatose. Some simply chose the door.

A simulation, produced by the performing arts department, was carried out during this silent period, displaying the proper technique of lying down after a hard day of work hauling lumber. The duet of Walls and Walls following the prolonged period of silence left students annoyed enough to resist sleep, yet still apathetic enough to ignore the performance and proceed with homework.

Toward the end of the service students attempted to approach the student Chaplin to complain, but were forced to kneel in front of him until the service was over. Keller, mourning the absence of his Egg McMuffin, gave a stirring benediction ending the service. Developers deem the trial a success, as a majority of students were forced into making a choice between getting extra sleep or finishing up overdue homework.