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Mr. Lemonhead, news editor
After waking up at 3 p.m. on Friday, MVNU super senior Benjamin Luther, 28, announced to apartment mates that this was the year. The year for what, you ask? That's right, after a mere nine years at the Naz, Luther has made it known that he intends to graduate.
Currently working on his fifth major, Luther went directly to the registration office to declare his intent to graduate. Registrar and Notary Public Penny Larson was shocked and amazed to even see Luther.
"Honestly, we here in Registration thought that Mr. Luther was either dead or stupid," said a horrified Larson. "Mary Griffin, our secretary was right, this is the year. Looks like she wins the pool."
In only a few short months, Luther will return to the dark and scary world. With majors in religion, history, psychology, philosophy, and possibly music, Luther is amply qualified for many coveted jobs.
"It's kind of scary, you know, leaving the bubble. I won't be able to walk around Cypress naked with all my friends and I'll really miss that," said Luther. "Currently, I'm doing a lot of job searching. At the moment, Naz security is really looking good. The job has a lot of benefits. Maybe I can still marry a Naz chick."
In addition to the possibility of working for Naz Security, Luther has put in applications with Admissions, the physical plant, Neff's and Burger King.
In what was nearly a decade at MVNU, Luther got a lot accomplished. He was elected to Class Council in his third senior year as the Class VP. He has participated in intramural softball and flag football for the past eight years. In his time at MVNU, he has lost eight times in the Battle of the Bands with six different bands claiming a total of nine band names.
Leaving won't be easy for Luther, but it is for the better, believe me.
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